Childhood and long-lasting friendships are hard to come by. For Black women, sisterhood is essential to survival in a cold society. Our girlfriends are the ones who know us best, stand by us, correct us, and comfort us. However, having shared experiences doesn’t always result in happily ever after.
Women have walked with the stereotype of not being able to maintain friendships. Social media jokes and memes highlight how women often “fall out” with their friends or suffer through friend breakups. In reality, women value platonic relationships at a high level.
That said, ending friendships that are no longer in your best interest is perfectly OK. Even more so, it’s OK if a friendship has fizzled. While it is sad to realize there are signs that you and your best friend may be growing apart.
1. You contact each other less.
When you’re young, you probably can’t imagine going a day without talking to your best friend. As we get older, move locations, get jobs, and enter adulthood, it is harder to have regular communication with our friends. We must understand that you and your best friend might go 2-3 days without speaking. Sometimes, weeks can go by before you have a good conversation.
However, if there are extended periods of minimal communication, there may be cause for concern. Like any other relationship, friendships must be nurtured and monitored. It does not necessarily mean you are mad or upset with one another, though it is one of the signs that you and your best friend are growing apart.
2. You are unaware of changes in each other’s lives.
The beautiful thing about friendship is that you always have someone to share important moments with. Unfortunately, the lack thereof could be a sign of distance. If you find that you are hearing breaking news coverage about your best friend from other friends or social media, this could indicate that you are not as close as you once were. Whether it is a new job, a new boo, a breakup, or no contact with a parent, you should be aware of it.
3. You are not motivated to hang out with each other.
Life is busy, and sometimes, you prefer to hang out on the couch for the weekend. However, if you go multiple weeks without something planned with your best friend, that may be one of the signs that you and your best friend are growing apart. Not only is it important to have scheduled friend dates, but they should also be exciting! If you’re OK, whether you hang out with your best friend or not, the friendship may not be as vital as it once was.
4. Hanging out feels like work
When you get to hang out with your best friend, it should feel like the best day ever! But you may be growing apart if you have differing views on where to go, when, or what to do. If you feel drained or annoyed after hanging out with your BFF, that may be another sign your friendship is weakening. Similar to a romantic relationship, being with your friend should feel good.
5. There is unresolved conflict
Arguments and disagreements are part of any relationship. No one can always get along with someone, but arguing is healthy. The key to healthy conflict is resolving it at some point. If you and your bestie have a disagreement that is swept under the rug, it can cause more separation. This is especially true if this happens regularly.
If one or more of these signs are present in your friendship, it’s OK! You don’t have to throw the relationship away; commitment can improve anything. Communicate what you are feeling with your best friend. Your bestie may not know your perspective or feel the same way.
What is another sign that you and your best friend have grown apart? Let us know in the comments below.
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