“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.”
Rihanna on “S&M” (2010)
This isn’t your average birds and the bees talk. ‘For the Love of Intimacy’ is a MEFeater series that presents the introduction of kinks and fetishes, what you need to know, and how to explore them. But first, what’s the difference between a kink and a fetish? According to Merriam-Webster, a kink is an “unconventional sexual taste or behavior” and a fetish is “a need of desire for an object, body part, or activity for sexual excitement”. Fetishes fall under the kinks category, such as BDSM (Bondage, Domination/Discipline, Submissive/Sadism, and Masochism) would. Continue reading for the most popular types of kinks, misconceptions, and how to explore your kinks.
Types of Kinks and Fetishes
These are some of the most common types of kinks and fetishes. Please be aware this is for educational purposes and not meant to shame people for their types of kinks/fetishes.
1. Age Play
You might have seen the abbreviations “ddlg” on social media but have no idea what it stands for. Ddlg stands for “daddy dominant-little girl” and is an example of age play. Age Play is when one or multiple partners pretend to be (and/or get off on being) an age other than their own. This kink is often looked down upon since most consider it to be a form of pedophilia – although it is not.
Misconception: “You have to dress and talk like a baby if you partake in age play.”
Truth: You do not have to dress up or talk like a baby to participate in age play if you do not want to. You could roleplay as a 70-year-old servant, and that would still be considered age play. You set the boundaries with your partner(s) and go on from there.
2. Humliation kink
Although it’s self-explanatory, public humiliation is when one publicly embarrasses their partner(s) or gets publicly embarrassed by them. Forms of public humiliation include things like calling your partner out of their name, slapping your partner, and more. If you or your partner(s) happen to have a humiliation kink, make sure all parties set boundaries to what they want to be called and how they want to be humiliated. It is preferable to do this in kink-friendly spaces.
Misconception: “It is degrading to women.”
Truth: While some may call it degrading, some consider public humiliation to be liberating. They know they are not being seriously degraded. They also know that their boundaries will be respected if they wanted the humiliation to stop. Respect and consent go a long way in the sex community.
3. Voyeurism
You’ve heard of the term “peeping Tom” now get ready for voyeurism. Voyeurism is when someone (or a group of people) enjoys watching people have sex. Unlike a peeping Tom, voyeurs actually have to have consent in order to watch people have sex.
Misconception: “If I see two people having sex in public, I shouldn’t have to ask to watch them.”
Truth: Although it might be hard to believe, consent plays a huge factor here. If neither party consented to see what the other was doing, it’s best if everyone goes their separate ways and mind their business.
4. Rope Bunny/Rigger
The rope bunny-rigger kink is a fun one to explore if you know your way around the ropes. Rope bunnies like to be restrained while riggers prefer to do the restraining. It’s important to note that riggers need to be careful with restraining their partner(s). You do not want the ropes to be too tight that they cut off circulation and cause harm to your partner(s).
Misconception: “I can leave my partner tied up for hours and it doesn’t bother them.”
Truth: While that may be fine and dandy for your partner, it’s safer to not leave your partner(s) restrained for more than an hour at a time as this can lead to asphyxia and/or nerve damage depending on the tightness and thickness of the rope.
5. Brat and Brat Tamer
No, we’re not talking about the famous 2004 dolls! Brat is a term to describe subs (aka submissives) that exude a feisty and (playfully) argumentative persona in order to tease and provoke their partner (aka the brat tamer). To be more specific, brats look to be “put in their place”. Both the brat and brat tamer should have a good set of boundaries when it comes to roleplaying.
Misconception: “I can say whatever I want to my partner and they’ll be okay with it.”
Truth: The relationship between brats and brat tamers is intense and electrifying, yet filled with compassion and understanding. Even wordplay must have a kind undertone. Talking to your partner in a tone they are not comfortable with will only damage the trust between you and them. Have a conversation with your partner about boundaries before roleplaying as a brat/brat tamer.
How to Explore Kinks
If you’re just learning about kinks, it’s good to know the basics so you can determine what piques your interest. Take things a step further and take a kink test. A kink test helps you determine what kinks you’d be interested in. You can use the BDSM test website or the Kink Test website to see what else piques your interests and learn about different kinks. Additionally, the tests can be taken anonymously, so you don’t have to worry about people knowing your business.
You can safely explore and experiment with your kinks by finding like-minded people to experiment with. You can use sites like Fetlife.com to network and find people who have the same kinks as you.
For the Love of Intimacy Overview
When it comes to kinks and fetishes, it’s important to remember that all activities involve consent from all parties involved. It’s also important to respect boundaries when experimenting with kinks. You are allowed to voice any concerns or changes you want to be made when experimenting. If your partner(s) are not willing to respect your interests or boundaries, leave them immediately! As previously stated, consent is necessary. You can enjoy experimenting with different kinks as long as all participants consent and feel comfortable experimenting with you.
For the Love of Intimacy is a weekly segment that shines a light on conversations dealing with love, sex, and intimacy. The purpose of this segment is to inform those looking for advice and information concerning love, intimacy, kinks, and more. This segment is meant to be nonjudgmental and inclusive.
What are some kinks and fetishes that you have? Let us know on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest!